give up

"i will block the door like a goalie tending the net in the third quarter of a tied-game rivalry"



If most of us were to think of our respective Love Life playing a role in The Postal Service catalog, we all would want to star in "Clark Gable." We believe those words because we want to believe those words. We want the final word that never comes along with being unable to spend time with the person we most desire. We all want life in every word to the extent that it's absurd until we just want to "stay in" and "take it easy" on a Friday night after having a "tough week at work" [via frustrating co-workers].

While we believe in Rhett Butler, we know our love lives to be more similar to "Nothing Better."

"Nothing Better" reminds me of nearly all relationships I have had with females who I actively want to see naked whether or not she is engaged in an active activity.

Jen Wood sings female vocals on the track and delivers a stunning beatdown to the male protagonist.

I feel must interject here.
You're getting carried away feeling sorry for yourself,
with these revisions and gaps in history.
So let me help you remember,
I've made charts and graphs that should finally make it clear,
I've prepared a lecture on why I have to leave.

I have had the misfortune of falling for girls who took Honors English 10 during their sophomore year of high school. My girls didn't cheat in Calculus and studied in college. (Save two or three but they aren't reading this post because clicking on a Facebook link is too tough on their flip phone.)

Woods' verse sounds exactly like many of the speeches I have heard from ladies born in eighties. I like the girls who would say something like this and often do ... to me.

It's accurate, it's astute and it offers no wiggle room. Do not get your hopes up for an idealistic future with Jen. Your last words are unneeded. It's not happening.

Far less accurate is Ben Gibbard's claim that he will block the door like a goalie tending the net in the third quarter of a tied-game rivalry.

In American athletics, the following sports use a goalie:

- Soccer;
- Team handball;
- Field hockey;
- Ice hockey;
- Lacrosse;
- Water Polo; and
- Sometimes the vagina played by the woman herself or her less attractive drunk friend (could be male or female).

Of those listed, only lacrosse uses quarters. Field hockey, soccer and team handball are divided up into halves. Hockey uses three periods. Water polo is stretched into four segments of equal proportion but those are called periods instead of quarters because the only people who play water polo went to high school on a fictional television program called "The OC" and hence are not smart because they only were in class during filmings and mostly that was just when the teacher called on someone and they were unprepared or when the teacher called on someone "dumb" but that "dumb" person had this brilliant thought as those are the only two scenarios that ever happen inside a classroom on non-pay family cable.

I applaud Gibbard's efforts here, but comparing your love to playing goalie in a fucking LACROSSE game is probably why he got dumped in the first place.

*** *** *** *** *** ***

That Postal Service album reminds me of 2004, one of my favorite years. During the Michigan-Ohio State football game that November, I yelled "Name of the Postal Service album!" at the television in the closing moments of Ohio State's 37-21 win after my 17th beer at The Lazy Gecko and before leaving the bartender a $60 tip following a 72-second conversation with her that I am sure she cherishes to this day.

The name of the album is "Give Up." No one got it. It was just awful. My unproudest moments on a day that included getting kicked out of the Hard Rock Cafe for repeated use of really vulgar language near children ... before 6 p.m.

Give up is a funny phrase and a trickier happening. Giving up is simultaneously the easiest and most difficult thing to do in most of life's matters that truly matter. I read the previous sentence three times after writing it and hope that anyone who read this post remembers it.

Four years after my "Give Up" moment at the Lazy Gecko, I atoned for my sins in Chicago. John did not like his living arrangements and looked forward to moving out after his one-year lease. I said, "John, you should just hang a Greg Oden poster on your bedroom door to signify that you'll be 'one and done' in this apartment."

He immediately got it.

Translation: Greg Oden played one year at Ohio State before leaving for the NBA and bad knees. John left his roommates after one year.

One and done.


"The Oden Poster" has become a favorite saying of mine. Recalling a Little Bar-induced meeting with a young lady earlier this month to my buddy PK, I told PK, "I might as well have hung an Oden poster on her door when I left."

One and done.

Having an unlimited supply of Oden posters and carrying two around with me at all times is a life's goal of mine.

Me: "Tried some new get fries today at lunch."
Roommate: "Oden poster?"
Me: "Definitely not. They were excellent."

So what did Jen Wood give Ben Gibbard for Christmas prior to this song's recording?

An Oden poster.